A Cry of Desperation
by Tafkae
Summary: Thoughts, immediately after the second duel versus Kaiba. Rated PG13 for major suicide themes. REVIEWS NEEDED.
1. A Cry of Desperation

A Cry of Desperation  
by TAFKAE

~*~*~

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What are you?

I fall to my knees as the Celtic Guardian stops in its tracks. "Grandpa…"

__

There is no other way!

No other way? That's not possible, there's always another way! You're lying, you're lying!

I almost can't hear Anzu and the others shouting my name. Yugi. Yugi. No, no, I'm not. I would have killed him! _You_ would have killed him! Who are you?! Why didn't I know about you before?!

"Never again," I hear myself choke. "Never again." No, I can't let this happen again. And I won't. "I'm so scared of this presence inside me… _I will never duel again!"_ But I can't tell if I'm saying it to my friends out there, or my enemy inside…

Grandpa… Grandpa, I've failed. Maybe he helped me before, but now he's a murderer. No, _I'm_ a murderer!

All those things people said I did before… the things I didn't ever remember doing… it was you all along! The man with the bandaged hand, who kept jumping around for leaves and screaming he was rich… I must have been an idiot not to realize it sooner. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me you were there?

Why did you try to kill Kaiba? How many other people did you kill while I slept?

I don't know how long it is before I look up again. A second? An hour? There are little wet spots on the ground – I'm crying? I pull my arms closer to the rest of my body. Anzu's voice tries to cut through my whimpering – "It's all right, Yugi. You did the right thing" – she's sitting so close to me, and I didn't even notice her pull me in, and now she's just holding me, she's crying too, I made her cry – the guys don't know what to say, what to do – Bakura – he's got his hand on mine, Bakura, are you crying too? Please stop it, please, before I end up killing all of you, too! I want to pull away, but I can't do a thing, can't move, can't breathe, can't do anything but sit here and get Anzu's shirt all wet.

Maybe, just maybe, maybe if I close myself off, maybe that thing won't get out! You'll never get out again, I swear it! You'd have to –

– but you would, wouldn't you?

Who are you?

__

What are you?

Why do you kill?

__

Why won't you answer me?!

Anzu – she's given up on trying to console me. Now she's just rocking a bit, back and forth, back and forth. Jou and Honda sat down already. No one's talking. It's so quiet… My Grandpa's trapped in that castle, as good as dead, and I can't do anything about it. Pegasus – you know I can't save him now. Maybe I should follow Kaiba's lead, go stand on that ledge until the wind pushes me off and shatters me into a million pieces on the ground. Heh… no one solved that puzzle for five thousand years… and no one's gonna solve it for another five thousand!

I wipe my eyes and gather myself as much as can be done into a stand. The others all start to stand with me – they're off balance! I push Anzu away from me and start running toward the edge. Gotta do this before I change my mind!

"Yugi!" Anzu shouts.

"Yugi, stop!" Jou yells.

Honda and Bakura come running after me, but there's no way they can get to me in time. Finally… finally, I'll be free –

– only to find myself interrupted by the hot stone scraping against my face and hands. Silly Yugi. So distracted you didn't keep track of your feet. No, I'll get up – I'll finish what I started – !

By the time I'm on my feet, Honda and Bakura are on me, and I can't get anywhere. Bakura just keeps shouting my name, over and over "Yugi! Yugi, don't do this!"

"Let me go!" I'm desperate! Please, please, just let me fall, I won't be hurting anybody anymore!! He's so quiet, not like before, but he's still there, and I'm still his prisoner! And everything that's happened here – Grandpa, Mokuba, even my friends have gotten caught up in something meant only for me – it's all my fault, all of it! I keep trying to get away, but even Honda alone is too strong for me. "Please, just let me go…" Great. There you go crying again. I can almost hear the thing laughing – ! "You have to!"

Bakura's standing in front of me. There's that sadness in his eyes still, but it's different now. No, he's not sad about himself this time, he's sad about me, that's why you were crying, Bakura, that's why you were crying! He raises his hand and I'm sure he's gonna slap me, snap me out of this, but he doesn't need to, doesn't he know just looking into those eyes is worth a thousand slaps?

I flinch away, but the impact doesn't come. His hand traces softly across my cheek, wiping a tear off my face. "Don't do this," he says as I open my eyes. Oh, man, now he's crying again, no Bakura, stop that, you're hurting me, please stop! "It wouldn't work." Work? What wouldn't? Why? "I've tried it a thousand times, I should know."

Everyone's looking at us now, everyone Bakura, please stop staring at me like that, Bakura! You know I can't look into your eyes, I'd just want to die again. But I can't not look, so there we are, me consumed in waves of trembling, one after another, oh God I'm a mess, but wouldn't you be too, Bakura? Two days ago I was just an innocent little freshman, yesterday an innocent freshman starting to wonder what's going on, and today having it just thrust on me that there's a _monster_ hiding inside me, who's been using me for God-knows-how-long to do God-knows-what, and I don't like it!

Bakura's talking, I think, but I can't hear him, I mean between my sobs and my heartbeat pounding in my ears, I couldn't hear a train crash. But I can feel, I can feel him, that thing inside, he's stirring, I close my eyes and push him back, please stay away from me, stay away from my friends!

__

Could you give me a chance to explain?

EXPLAIN?! How could you explain? Please, whoever you are, just leave me alone, don't make me hear your voice again, don't make me feel you there, just shrivel up and die before I do!!

I fall to my knees again, tearing my arms from Honda's tight grip, and hug myself tighter than he could. "Why won't you just leave me alone…?" I whisper, quiet enough that no one can hear me, except Bakura, he's still staying close, but he doesn't say anything, he knows I'm not talking to him.

No, I can't do anything anymore. My throat's gone and seized up, and so has everything else. I just sit here, staring at my shoes, jerking with a sob or two interspersed, until a long time later, the others help my shell to its feet, with me only half-alive inside it.

~*~*~

A/N: I'm not sure if this is where Yugi's train of thought would be going, but it's sure where mine would go in that situation. And before you flame "Hey, that's not what happened!" I'd like to say it sure could have. I may not be an MPD case, but I really sympathize with the little guy here.

I've written a Yami chapter and I'm working on one for Bakura, but I'll only post them if I get ten or more reviews for this one. So, uh, please review if you read, even if you _don't_ want more, because I'm enjoying writing this.

ADVERTISING:

"You May Have Already Won!" by Kvaedi. This story presents a new tournament, and everyone's invited, but things are not as they seem, even before the gang leaves for the States! It's mostly action-adventure, but there's a fair amount of the immature humor you'd expect from them. Good development on all characters, even Honda (Tristan) and Bakura – aw, to hell with the analysis, it's an amazing story!! I'm surprised there are only thirteen or so reviews. I think there ought to be at least a hundred by now.


	2. A Moment of Hesitation

A Cry of Desperation  
by TAFKAE

A/N: Wow! Twelve reviews already! That's more than I've gotten for Keys, and it's been up for months… *sob* If I get ten for chapter 2, I'll put up chapter 3 (which is finished, am now working on Anzu's). Thanks to all my adoring fans, and esp. to Kvaedi (for the nickname "taffy" … silly nickname, fits me well!)

~*~*~

I am a fool.

No, scratch that. I'm not a fool, I'm a complete idiot. I… I tried to break it to you gently, Yugi, but I had no choice at that point!

…Why am I trying to defend myself? I know no one's listening, and I'm not even convincing myself anyway. I don't remember much about my past, but I do know I've lost too many people through my narrow-mindedness. No choice. No other way. How many times have I said that? Why did I say it _now?_

Yugi… I blew it. Every pleading question seems to scrape against a raw wound. It hurts me, more than you know, to hear you this afraid, but I can't answer, somehow it almost feels as though you wouldn't want me to. It's all right. I can't think of any decent answers for them anyway.

__

How many other people did you kill while I slept?

Yes, you're a smart kid. Everything's coming together now. But you're… you're unwilling to accept the past, and even more unwilling to accept me, though the latter doesn't surprise me in the least. I doubt our friends would do any better.

__

Our friends…? Yes… I suppose they have become my friends as well. Please, Yugi, they're all there for you. Listen to them. They're right.

__

Maybe if I close myself off, maybe that thing won't get out again! You'll never get out again, I swear it! You'd have to –

– but you would, wouldn't you?

You didn't need to finish that sentence. You'd have to kill me. The second part is in resigned horror – have I really gotten you that scared? – and then drifting to Pegasus, to Grandpa, to Kaiba, to –

Oh, God. You're serious!

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Gotta do this before I change my mind!

Almost elation in his voice – freedom – freedom – freedom from what? Me? I didn't think… Only one thing could stop him right now, and that's if he –

– tripped.

Bakura. Bakura, yes, you understand where his train of thought is going. It's gone through your own head too many times to count. I can do nothing at this point. Every word stings more than the last – _prisoner – all my fault – laughing –_

That one is your imagination. Either that or I'm crying, which I seriously doubt. I can't laugh. Not now. Not when you're crying like that. Not when it hurts you to look into the eyes of the only other person who understands what you're going through, even eyes that gentle, eyes that _shouldn't_ hurt…

But now… now I'm looking into them too… and they do. It's very rare to find people who care so much about you. Very rare, even, to find people who are willing to stop you from killing yourself. Believe me, I know.

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– and today having it just thrust on me that there's a monster_ hiding inside me, who's been using me for God-knows-how-long to do God-knows-what, and I don't like it!_

A monster…? At this point, that'd just be insulting the cards. I have to say something, anything! Please, Yugi, just listen –

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– please stay away from me, stay away from my friends!

Yugi, please, could you give me a chance to explain? Oh, damn it, I'm sure that sounded just as pleady as him, but no, he doesn't notice, too caught up in his emotions –

__

EXPLAIN?! How could you explain? Please, whoever you are, just leave me alone, don't make me hear your voice again, don't make me feel you there, just shrivel up and die before I do!!

– to even notice that he _is_. To even notice that he's still sitting on the castle, or that the sun is still shining. "Why won't you just leave me alone…?"

So I do. I… I do have to take responsibility. I've driven you, in less than three days, to the very brink of insanity, and maybe beyond. I… I'll make it up to you, Yugi, I promise I will. I will find a way to rescue your grandfather.

I will not hurt anymore.

Oh… and remind me to thank the others someday. I doubt I could have tripped you again.

~*~*~

A/N: Sorry about this chapter being so much shorter than the first one; Yami's train of thought isn't going _nearly_ as fast as Yugi's. And just a little something I dunno if you caught: all that hesitancy at the beginning and end, after the "I"s. Can anyone guess what it is/means?

Let's see them reviews people! And, uh… any chance anybody out there would like to read my other stuff?


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